Thursday, October 25, 2012

Things that deserve the stink-eye:








After several years of marriage things change. Things evolve. Attention shifts. Priorities get, uh, reprioritized. Eventually, some wives simply replace their husbands. Sometimes this happens without much warning. Sometimes the guy doesn’t even know. Sometimes maybe a guy doesn’t even notice because he still lives in the house with his wife.  At least not at first. And then one day he has an inkling...that something is different. And then a month passes and he has another inkling and then he’s sure, something has definitely changed. It happens. And now it’s happened to me. My wife replaced me. And here’s the skinny on my wife’s new husband:
      1.      He’s skinny.
2.      Sleek even.
3.      Attractive.
4.      Intelligent.
5.      Convenient.
6.      Hardly has any needs.
7.      Is easy to manipulate.
8.      He communicates in multiple ways.
9.      Is popular and can do way awesome stuff.
10.  Doesn’t care about the remote control.
11.  Doesn’t eat her food.
12.  He’s touchy-feely.
13.  He’s interactive.
14.  He does whatever she wants.
15.  Encourages her to shop.
16.  Everyone gathers around when he’s in the room.
17.  He’s so fantastic, my wife’s friends are jealous.
18.  Even my friends think he’s several levels cooler than I am.
19.  He goes “ding” just to mock me.
20. And just this morning, my wife looked at me all dreamy and said, "I'm in love with my iPad."

Sunday, October 21, 2012

From Somewhere.

When my children were just itty they would hold onto my finger instead of my hand.

I forgot about that.

I forgot for a while. And then I talked with an old friend today and she told me about being a little girl with her Dad and how very tall he was and how she would hold onto his finger. His one finger was enough for her little hand. And this bonded them in a variety of ways over the years. Some touching, some silly.

Thanks to my friend, it's suddenly quite easy to recall my own similar memories. My kids did the same thing. First as infants. That first grasp. That first interdependence, that first fastening. And then when they were learning to walk they held my fingers for balance. And then, like a fool, I let them go to walk on their own. Precious distance stretched between us. But I had to. We all have to. No other options are provided. Yet thankfully, some connection remained.

Ever think about the threads between us all? I like to ponder that. We don't really know what memories bonds us. We don't get to decide how others remember it, or us. We influence that dynamic but not much more. It develops organically. And worse yet, threads are fragile. They're itty too. Practically invisible. Sometimes forgotten until the thread is tugged. Or we can't stop the damn thing from fraying. Or maybe it snaps. But I sometimes wonder...is the thread stronger than we are? It just might be. Because when those we love leave our lives, when threads bond them to others and threads fix them to other places or even when we lose them, those threads remain. Right now, it seems to me, they must be stronger than we realize because right now, right now, I can still feel their pull from somewhere. From somewhere.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Wayfaring

"The wideness of the horizon has to be inside us, cannot be anywhere but inside us, otherwise what we speak about is geographic distances." ~Ella Maillart

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Things one should never outgrow:

old favourites.

#mchammer
#vanillaice
#johncougar
#platinumblonde
#goodtasteinbadmusic

#happybirthdaymonthgrant&jennifer
#foranyoneunder25thesearecassettes



Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Gas Pains











Getting cheap gas in Edmonton in thirty simple steps:
  1. Need gas.
  2. Be cheap.
  3. Know where the cheapest gas is.
  4. Almost see the cheapest gas station in the world is up ahead but hmmm, how to get there?
  5. Remark to passengers that once, it was easy to get there, before Edmonton doubled in size (or so it seems).
  6. Turn too soon on the wrong street.
  7. Wait for a train.
  8. Wait for train.
  9. Wait.
  10. Drive for twelve centimeters then encounter construction delays.
  11. Eventually turn north because if I were a crow I’d be there already (it’s the right direction).
  12. Know I am correct about this direction because, after all, I am a man.
  13. Doubt myself.
  14. Encounter more construction.
  15. Encounter police lights.
  16. Encounter a parade.
  17. Double take.
  18. Shake head. A PARADE?!!!! Who gets lost and ends up in a parade?!
  19. Realize we are the kind of people who get lost and end up in a parade.
  20. Wonder why the crap is there a parade on a Saturday afternoon on a street in the industrial section in North Edmonton? Are we being punked?
  21. Make like a snail (and remain pretty much motionless for an eternity).
  22. Blood begins to stew.
  23. Glare at parade as it gets off the road.
  24. Realize that in order to get onto the correct side of the highway we will have to travel the opposite direction thus travel 35 kilometers to find opportunity to turn around (pretty much true).
  25. Find exit to gas station and wait for light then realize more than 45 minutes have passed since we began this 10 minute adventure.
  26. Follow world’s smallest series of signs through what is basically a mini-golf-course-type-route to find the street we need.
  27. Cry a little bit.
  28. Can’t see it. Still can’t decide which road to take. Begin vibrating.
  29. Finally find gas station and of course, there it was all along, on 666 Hell Street.
  30. Hang head in realization that our attempt to get cheap gas meant we almost ran out of gas.

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