Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

the Northern Hatchet-armed Rubber-booted Snowshoed Teen in its natural habitat.

#unpredictable
#approachwithcaution
#whatadingdong
#ihavenoideawhathehellheisdoing
#?

Friday, January 25, 2013

Want to Know?


Want to know what I’ve learned about marriage?
      1. Don’t eat all the fudge.
      2. Don’t eat all the Nutella.
      3. Don’t use the timed-dry option on the dryer. (I don’t know why either. Just. Don’t.)

And that was just in the last month! 

Yes, marriage can be confusing. Not-so-research-based Google says married people are “annoying, boring, cheat and so on.”  Anecdotally, many people have told me that marriage is a very good thing, however, one should avoid the elaborate wedding part due to its cost, the stress, the we-had-to-invite-them-unwanted-guests, etc. Real science has revealed that there really are many benefits to marriage which reportedly include some pretty important considerations:
1. An increased life-span.
2. Higher earnings throughout one’s lifetime.
3. Generally higher levels of happiness.

If it's really that good though then this seems to beg the obvious question: why do so many marriages end?

I don’t know.

Here’s another thing I don’t know. Dear wife, I DO NOT KNOW your internet passwords nor your usernames that you forgot and even if I laugh about what you think your password is and suggest that your new password should be “confused1” and even if you threaten me and then demand, “HELP ME! I MEAN IT!” I still do not know your computer passwords. But despite this, once we stop laughing and making fun of each other, I help you anyway.

And that is truly something else I’ve learned about marriage: help anyway.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

teen braces gong show
(to the tune of one potato two potato)

¯One retainer
Two retainer
Three retainer
Four¯

¯If he wrecks
one more retainer
he's going out the
door.¯

#frick
#$150each

Monday, January 21, 2013

Sometimes (word-of-the-day edition)

source
Sometimes I don't have a lot of energy or drive. So I muster some and when I'm not paying attention to the challenge so much, things change.

Sometimes I want long term change and I remind myself that things won't change until I muster some long term motivation. And persevere.

Sometimes I count and recount each failure attempted but then I shake that away and muster fake courage and then I'm not faking anymore.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by how many things I have to do and be and remember and become and then I recognize my ego whining and I muster enough humility to laugh at my foolish self.

Sometimes there is not enough time so I muster within me that inner reminder that I could take eight hours to do what I need to do but if I take only eighty minutes instead it will likely be fine that way too.

Sometimes life feels like this and then I realize I need to muster more patience. (If you didn't have enough patience to click that link, no worries; I muster no judgment.)

Sometimes I'm amazed what I can muster up when someone asks me for help and I am always surprised by their appreciation for my efforts because it really was less of a gift for them than it turns out to be for me.

Sometimes I must muster the beauty and softness of this musterwonderful world to counter inevitable and harsh things I will never circumvent.

Sometimes I think about people I admire, people with endurance and tenacity and determination and so I siphon someone else's mustering.

Sometimes I muster muster.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

UFIs (unidentifiable fridge items) aka what the crap is this stuff in my fridge?

#hanniballecterleftovers?
#afraidtoaskmywife

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Friday, January 11, 2013

Second? Best.

from Creative Commons

I'm sure you’ve heard this before: “the second mouse gets the cheese.”

Think about that. Sure. That first mouse thought he was onto something big. And he was. Because, well, SNAP.

I’ve heard it said that second place is just the first loser but to me, that sounds like something a loser might say. (Sorry.) Maybe second place is actually something special. Some examples:

1. Having seconds = yum.
2. Second nature implies real savvy.
3. Second honeymoon? Yes please.
4. Second class? Who in their right mind would want to be part of the royal family anyway?
5. Second-guessing? The unexpected can be quite entertaining.
6. Having second thoughts? It could help prevent poor decisions.
7. Playing second-fiddle? Less stress.
8. Every second counts? Most days, yup.
9. Second chances? Where would any of us be without them?
10. Getting one’s second wind means we all have within us, a least a little bit more.

There’s another famous saying: “we all have two hands: the first is to help ourselves, the second is to help others.” Think about that too. I am.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Shadows

More than the dark, shadows make me uneasy. Always have. My shadow is my doppelganglier, my attempt to both escape and yet remain connected to myself.

Science aside, there's something disturbing about that.

I read once that those with autism are overly distracted with their shadows. Maybe it's the comfort of things in black and white? A comfort I'm not that familiar with, for I more-than-tend to see the grays.

"The only people I fear are those who never have doubts." ~Billy Joel

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

6 / 7

Some days...
1. have flow.
2. open with a kiss.
3. ice-cream is on sale.
4. work doesn't feel like work.
5. people smile when they see you.
6. you're the pigeon (not the other way around).
7. someone says something so tasty it's best to savor it for a while, like chocolate.
8. beauty practically grabs you by the collar.
9. everything just clicks.
10. end with a kiss.

Most days aren't Mondays. 

#rememberthat 
#talkingtomyself

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Things that deserve the stink-eye:

a closed toilet lid.

Girls: you definitely have every right to find it inconsiderate when men leave the toilet seat up. Absolutely. I don't do that. But therefore, I must insist that you never, NEVER, close the toilet lid. Why? I would like to share a story, a story with some of the details missing because, well, it's one of those stories.

Here's the thing: it's the middle of the night. Sometimes a guy needs to pee. But here's the other thing: even though he needs to pee he doesn't want to. His bed is toasty and warm and soft and if any of us had our way we'd never leave that bed. Am I right? Anyway, this means the middle-of-the-night-pee must occur as quickly as possible and in such a way that sleep is so minimally disturbed he will barely remember the trip to the toilet in the morning. I am going to say I am successfully able to do this 98% of the time. How? I don't turn on that glaring bathroom light from hell. Therefore, in this situation, I must sit to pee.

Now this in itself is an entire other post. I won't get into it much here but some guys do indeed sit to pee. In a somewhat drunken conversation with a group a guys once, certain information was revealed and then never, ever discussed again. Therefore I feel 8-out-of-9 guys confident that some other men can relate to this. On what do I base my pea-brained statistic? One of the guys in that drunken conversation said he will never, ever, ever sit to pee but the other eight, including myself, choose that option sometimes (even in the daytime). No judgment. So, if you've managed to follow my blathering here, you probably know where this is going. So let's go there (kinda). When a guy must in-the-dark, middle-of-the-night-sit-down-pee, he never expects the toilet lid to be closed. And when it is...let's just say some things should not be
a)squished
b)scrunched
c)mashed
d)compressed
e)flattened and
f'n)all of the above.

#whoa
#ouch
#seriousouch
#hardtosleepafterthat
#someonehadtosayit

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Crick?

Ever wake up with a crick in your neck? Ever notice how a crick in your neck can bother you all day long except when

you laugh.
you kiss.
you hug.
you read.
you write.
you listen to music.
you visit with one of your buds.
you do something for someone else.
you don't let it.

What is that crick in your neck anyway?

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Someone Else Again?

image from imgfave
I saw Ang Lee's The Life of Pi last night (or as Ellen Page calls it Life of Cry). It was one of my favourite books. Still is. But I read it ten years ago, quite romantically then, and I guess I'm a much different person now. Aren't we all?

But that movie! I never was a fan of 3D but in that water with Pi, (I swear I felt rain drops) and on his raft and in his boat with Richard Parker and taming his demons, his fear, I wanted to be someone else again. I wanted the better story but I know what really happened in that boat. I know. I know. But does what really happened or what's going to happen matter so much when all is said and done? Like Pi remarks as he shares his pain, "You might think I lost all hope at that point. I did. And as a result I perked up and felt much better."

Thank you Pi.
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